One more holiday done. I spent the long weekend with the phone off in hopes of turning it on and receiving some good information on the financial scene. I shut it off with a few potential sales in the hopper with only grim news on Tuesday. I did however take the time away from work to try and do what you should be doing on days off. I weeded my garden, saw my inlaws, went to the river, took a walk, enjoyed my husband and tried to smile the whole time. It was nice. I find myself envious of those who can work and then shut work off and do normal things. I can never shut off work its like I am addicted to its dismal existence.
I did indulge in mojitos figuring I should use the mint from my garden (tried to post a photo but IT IS NOT WORKING! Yes I over indulged. Of coarse life was great for about three hours. Hit the sack and found the tears streaming down my face as my husband slept soundly. I can cry silently like the girl at her first overnight camp shaking and crying but does it in way that her bunkmate will never know. I know not to drink when there is so much on my mind IT IS NEVER a good idea. Two days later and still trying to shake off the gloom. Tatoo girl is home on school break, she is eyeing me she knows something is going on with me.
Go to yoga and guess what….THEY CLOSED over the weekend. CLOSED LIKE NEVER OPENING AGAIN. I am so bummed for them I knew they were struggling. And I am bummed for ME…it was saving my ass…really not kidding, it has kept the slur factor away or at least infrequent.
Six job applications completed today and one new home I listed today, a full day and I am still staring at the computer searching jobs, marketing and all my contacts…I wish I could see what I am doing wrong…
Posted in alcohol, bikram, binge, blunt, daughters, drink, drunk, drunk, hammered, hatha yoga, Hot Yoga, hung, LIFE HANGOVER, Life Hangover, marlboro, real estate, shame, tatoo, teenager, Wells Fargo, WIFE, women financial
Summer is finally in full swing. I am SO glad June is almost over. Married off my oldest son and the stress of that just about sent me over the edge…they were insistant on the big wedding at their expense but entailed out of town guests and family which required much interaction on my part. It was nice and now over with the married couple saying they should have just eloped. Hindsight 20/20.
I managed to keep my drinking to a minimum which on a few nights was very hard. I have been keeping things under control and am not waking up thinking if I will drink in the evening. I just stopped making it my focus point. Life is so dismal and I am slowly realizing I was blaming it all on the cocktails which gave me an excuse to continue on my self loathing path. So a new chapter begins without boozing(as in wasted) as the focus but I am at a loss on what to do financially. Working my ass off like many self employed for no cash is getting hard. Constantly applying for jobs with the constant rejection of over qualified or under qualified. I need to make money plain and simple. I am a super hard worker and so dedicated it is scary. I am at a point where something has to give good or bad it has to give.
I have been thankful for all the good in my life…health, family etc but it does not pay the bills. Looking for ideas. I know I am not alone in this arena. I was driving the other day and one of those guys with the cardboard sign was on my exit ramp “Need Work” I have never given any of them money but on that day I had my last $10 and I gave it to him, not sure why but I was hoping it was for the right reason and not because I needed something good to happen to me. Than I thought shit I should panhandle…crazy thoughts come in to your mind under stress. If I shared them all you would think I should be locked up. I want to believe this will all work out. Sad state of affairs for most with secrets, financial worries, health issues etc. Well at least I am not boozing it all away for the time being…so pray to your God for me that some light comes my way.
Posted in 1, alchol, alcohol, bikram, binge, blunt, Bravo, broke, daughters, drink, drunk, drunk, hammered, hangover, hatha yoga, Hot Yoga, hung, hung over, LIFE HANGOVER, Life Hangover, marlboro, real estate, shame, tatoo, teenager, Wells Fargo, WIFE
Tagged aa, alcohol, beer, binge drinking, booze, drinking, drunk, financial, hangover, happiness, help, hungover, life, SECRETS, selling, WIVES, work
I am done being nice to people. God people forget what you do for them. I have a friend who was down on her luck a few years ago, her husband got himself in loads of trouble and is currently sporting stripped outfits everyday and his windows have bars on them. They lost their home and she has a daughter. My heart went out to her and I offered a rental home I own for her to rent. The deal was she was to pay 700 a month (which by the way does not even cover the mortgage) for a year. If after a year she chose to stay the rent would go to 900 or she was free to move. The year passed and she was still not up to speed financially so I being the f****** nice person let her stay. Now I just told her that the rent is going up and I was sorry to do it but I can not sustain the property anymore at that price. She is livid, like she has totally forgotten all the shit I have did for her. I hate it when people act like there shit is my shit. I don’t dump my stuff on anyone EVER, hence why I write here and why my friends really don’t know shit about me. Fuck I am down on my luck to. I was nice to you, I let you have your fucking cats which I hate. She is living in a nice single family three bedroom home with a yard and nice garage and she is not even thankful anymore. So funny how people forget generosity. So I am booting her out…one more friend out the door. I am not going to feel guilty over this, I am not going to let her make me feel bad. This is a total drinking situation for me as I could drink and talk about this for hours. Yoga at 5 cannot come soon enough. Need that distraction today. Good thing I didnt drink last night I would be a raving nutcase today. I am done done done being generous to people it burns me every time.
Posted in bikram, binge, broke, drink, drunk, hammered, hangover, hatha yoga, Hot Yoga, hung, shame
Tagged aa, alcohol, beer, bikram, binge, binge drinking, blunt, booze, cocktails, death, debt, decite, encouragement, financial, friends, hammered, hangover, happy hour, money, pissed off, real estate, therapy, yoga