I have discovered will power. Well maybe not. I knew it was around but gosh just the words ‘WILL POWER” are intimidating. I figured out that all the years and talk of will power is bs. Of coarse strength is needed to change but really it is habits. Every thing we do consistently good or bad is a habit. Tying your shoes is a habit. To change a habit and you can is a lovely thing. I have also discovered the power of my habits. Which was an interesting discovery which lead me to very slowly change my ways. As we all know I am the person who had a two year pity party, complete with blame, booze and self pity. I read my posts and it makes me sad, pathetic too especially the Dorthy one and I remember that day, I was in a dark place that day. Those feelings were very real to me. I was miserable. I was crying out on WordPress!! LOL!! I was tired of all of it, I was sick of myself. I am not sure what did it for me to switch up but I think it was a book about habits that I stumbled upon. It explained how habits are formed and can be changed by simply changing a few things. So I actually started the process of changing my habits by setting my sights on not smoking.The book said to change one thing in your routine and also to have a reward. I changed my get out of bed routine. I normally went right for the coffee and Marlboros. I needed a reward to change so I bought a really nice bar of hand soap that smells really good. So first thing in the morning I wash my face, brush my teeth and wash my hands with this lovely scent. I love it. If I am home every time I want to smoke and don’t I go wash my hands. I have learned when you change things you must reward yourself in some manner to keep the good habit going. My no smoking lead to no drinking. I was so sick of the drinking and the habit was strong, I was on auto pilot. It was my physical habit that kept it going; the way I moved thru my day, what triggers I put out there. It was not for me like I felt a strong Need to drink, I just didn’t know what to do without it mentally, socially etc. It was a very very bad habit. I am not focusing on not drinking it seems to be working itself out on its own. I have not drank in over a month. I stay busy, wash my hands alot and wake up feeling good. I pay attention to my senses, it is amazing when you really think about it, seeing, smelling, hearing, touching etc. Everything I do thru the day I try to really pay attention to my senses. It is weird but it slows me way way down and puts my total focus off the bad things. Its strange but it for some reason I discovered these small things and life is going well. There will always be a list of things to work on but for now I am just content.
For the few of you who commented and were there for me during my dark days thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You will never know that I needed that interaction. One day at a time. Peace and Rock on!