Business and Friends DO NOT MIX

I am done being nice to people. God people forget what you do for them. I have a friend who was down on her luck a few years ago, her husband got himself in loads of trouble and is currently sporting stripped outfits everyday and his windows have bars on them. They lost their home and she has a daughter. My heart went out to her and I offered a rental home I own for her to rent. The deal was she was to pay 700 a month (which by the way does not even cover the mortgage) for a year. If after a year she chose to stay the rent would go to 900 or she was free to move. The year passed and she was still not up to speed financially so I being the f****** nice person let her stay. Now I just told her that the rent is going up and I was sorry to do it but I can not sustain the property anymore at that price. She is livid, like she has totally forgotten all the shit I have did for her. I hate it when people act like there shit is my shit.  I don’t dump my stuff on anyone EVER, hence why I write here and why my friends really don’t know shit about me.  Fuck I am down on my luck to. I was nice to you, I let you have your fucking cats which I hate. She is living in a nice single family three bedroom home with a yard and nice garage and she is not even thankful anymore. So funny how people forget generosity. So I am booting her out…one more friend out the door. I am not going to feel guilty over this, I am not going to let her make me feel bad. This is a total drinking situation for me as I could drink and talk about this for hours. Yoga at 5 cannot come soon enough. Need that distraction today. Good thing I didnt drink last night I would be a raving nutcase today. I am done done done being generous to people it burns me every time.

Middle…I like it

I made it through January without a slur.  HUGE DEAL for me.  Not to say I did not indulge but I did not slur which means I did not get hammered to the point of regret.  I was on a pretty good sober roll for a while then had a double whammy back to back extended happy hours two days in a row.  BUT I DID NOT SLUR.  I moved into the following days without my typical Catholic shame guilt trip.  Gosh that was nice.  Not to say I wasn’t tired and hung but not carrying that backpack of shit really helped.  With my new-found low key attitude I am craving less and less of my happy hours.   Just rolling with it and it seems to be working. 

We all fall down and most get up…sorta like tattoo girl plastered on her body (she still does not know I know, amazing I have kept that to myself).  What is interesting when you are down is how easy it is to get back up and fuck up.   The hard part is to get all the way up.  I believe most of us get half way up very quickly but it is the full stance that is hard to accomplish  at least for me.   I dont think I want to stand all the way.  I am comfortable half up half down, you know in the middle.  I like the middle.   Some will argue that it is not right in our culture to not want to be the best you can be all the time.  I have decided to be the best I can be for that moment,  today may be stellar, tomorrow ummm… maybe the bar not set to high.  I do know that I DON’T WANT TO BE DOWN so knowing that and believing it finally maybe I can stay in the middle.  I can’t live just one way all the time it is impossible.   I know I can’t live by expectations from my self or others I just can’t.  My experience with expectations is that disappointment always follows.   Feeling alright about things for the moment.

Slipping in to Monday

I just re read my completely tantrum laiden post I wrote on Saturday.  Hung over I was and the shame followed AS USUAL.  I still am not sure why I write here.  I am sure there are several people that could decifer why I do.  Now a beautiful Monday.  Sober for day two.  I just received a call from a past client thanking me for helping her get her deal done a few monthes ago.  It is always so nice to hear that restores my faith.  Hoping to have a good week.  Going to try and not indulge and see what happens. It is a very slippery slope for me. I was proud yesterday, one of my sons returned from Afganistan and I did not drink for the celebration.  I will be honest what kept me sober was I knew I had to drive someone home later that evening.  Regardless I stayed sober.    I still hate Wells Fargo.

This Market Makes me Drink and I hate Wells Fargo

 Saturday…HUNG OVER.   Ended up having a nice deal fall apart thanks to WELLS FARGO  and all of theirguidelines.  Sold a nice home to a quailified buyer and low and behold because many many moons ago the property was a single family but converted to a row house with two units and my client was planning on converting it back to a single family Wells Fargo says no no no we will not loan you money on it.  It has to be classified as a single family or we look at it as investment property.  Honestly who comes up with this shit?  The guy is putting 25% down and has perfect credit and is a fucking doctor,  So yep fell apart and the good Dr and his wife are now going to stay renters in their $4000 a month rental condo. 

No surprise why I drink. 

Been a while since I posted.  Barley holding it all together.  Working my ass off.  Shining like a star all day, your best company at night all while the misery eats me alive.

Blogroll is that Legal?

First I need the instructions on ‘blogroll’.    Ha, in my world that could be something illegal, or it sounds like code my kids talk in.  My oldest is a highway patrol man and he brought his brother  on a ride along one nite..and they were talking about the night and  someone who was marinating…when I asked what that meant they laughed and told me this guy cashed (drank the whole bottle) a bottle of vodka and was then marinating…Sounds classy…Wow…what happened to just wasted? Anyway that guy marinated for awhile in detox…

Happy to report that I have only been buzzed two out of the last ten days.  Not slurring either.  I have not been jonsing for it,  a little tough today but if I can get to six oclock I am over it.  I have been working hard and have two solid deals put together for the end of the month.  Now I just need twenty five more by June. 

I miss hot yoga…

So now not so Glum

Well I am sucessfully not getting HAMMERED every few days and feeling much better attitude wise. I managed to go to the family wedding and stick to beer and had a fun fun time. I have indulged here and there but not to the point of shaming myself the next day. It is interesting about how much drinking comes in to the everyday life. I have been attending the hot yoga classes a few times a week and am beginning to see some results. I will tell you if you drink and go to a class the next day YOU WILL PAY A PRICE..that vodka comes pouring out of your pores! I am still trying to decide if I love or hate. I am going tonight at five. I am also hoping it will give me some mental clarity as WORK is horrible and I am anticipating a non existing income pretty soon. I am in real estate sales and it is SO DIFFICULT. So I am going to ask the higher powers for some guidence! Cheers to you all.